Sister unknowingly names her child the name her sister wanted to use, family is divided in the ensuing argument: 'She burst into tears'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Jun 9, 2024 10:00 AM EDT

Baby names are a tricky subject, especially when you factor in familial traditions that you might be expected to uphold, and limitations, judgment, and grievances that might be placed by the people around on the name you finally settle on. Of course, especially these days, many people want their baby's name to be unique. Yet somehow these people all end up naming their kid some variation of the same thing, not realizing it until their kid is one of dozens of "Theo"s in their class when they start school. Others seek to achieve this by naming their kid a bizarre derivation of an otherwise popular name. Resulting in Ashlea, Ashlee, Ashli, Ashlie, Ashleigh, and Ashly all becoming close friends in the first grade. 

Still, it's understandable to be upset when a sibling or other close relative takes a name that you were hoping to use for your future children—and it's even worse when they knowingly do so. When this sister unknowingly took the name that her sister, who had had trouble carrying a baby to term, had planned on using for the child she hoped to one day have. The complexities of this issue and the ensuing family schism that unfolded prompted the sister to share her story with this online community to appeal to readers and see whether or not she was in the wrong.

Advertisement
  • 01
    "I told my sister I couldn't change my daughter's name after we had already committed so heavily and the name felt so right to us."
    via Christian Bowen
  • 02
    AITA for refusing to change the name I chose for my daughter so my sister can one day use it if she has a daughter? I'm (23f) pregnant with my first child, a daughter. My boyfriend (23m) and I have decided to name her Wren. We didn't tell many people yet. My boyfriend told his parents and I told my parents and my siblings. After I told my sister (30f) she asked me if we could talk and she showed me a list she had of
    via u/Different-Feature-30
  • 03
    names her and her husband had chosen for future babies. Wren was the girl name they had chosen too. I had no idea. My sister never thought anyone in the family would go for a name like Wren. And when she heard we had chosen that she got a little sad.
    via u/Different-Feature-30
  • 04
    You see, my sister and her husband have been TTC for 6/7 years and have been unsuccessful with the exception of one miscarriage 5 years ago. Right now they are undergoing some fertility treatments to try and have a child. It's been super hard on her and when my boyfriend and I learned we were expecting we agreed I should tell my sister first and give her time to process. She told me how much she appreciated it and she was sad for a little while after.
    via u/Different-Feature-30
  • 05
    As well as super jealous. But I understand because this is something she has wanted for so long and it was difficult for her to see me get pregnant so fast. I love my sister and I always want to try and be understanding and not make because I'm having a her feel like baby and she's still trying to. But when she asked me to please choose another name so she could name a future
    via u/Different-Feature-30
  • 06
    daughter that, I didn't feel like I could agree to that. My daughter feels like Wren to both me and my boyfriend. We've already got some items with her name on them. We have grown very attached and bonded more with our Wren. I know to many it's not a big deal for people to share the same name in a family but our family doesn't really like doing that. Our names might have been used in previous generations of the family but we never liked the idea of
    via u/Different-Feature-30
  • 07
    two living members of the family sharing a name and we're all so close that it would get confusing. So I know to her it means Wren has to leave their list if I use it. I told my sister I couldn't change my daughter's name after we had already committed so heavily and the name felt so right to us. She burst into tears but told me she understood. She hugged me and everything. Then my BIL got
    via u/Different-Feature-30
  • 08
    involved and he tore me a new one for not sacrificing a name so that my sister can hold onto the hope that she'll get to name their future daughter that one day. He said she has been such a good big sister to me and this would cost me nothing. AITA?
    via u/Different-Feature-30
  • 09
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the as ○e: I refused to change my daughter's name so my sister can use it one day if she has a daughter. I love my sister and I feel bad about this because my BIL is right and my sister has always been amazing to me. And if I had known about Wren being her girl name choice before my
    via u/Different-Feature-30
  • 10
    boyfriend and I chose it, I would have never considered it. But we didn't know and we fell in love with the name and grew attached to the name. We even announced it to some people. But my sister is going through so much and I don't want to be part of the reason she loses hope or grows more depressed over her infertility. So I'm starting to feel like an aole about it.
    via u/Different-Feature-30
  • 11
    Katiiev 6 hr. ago • Nta nobody owns a name, we gave my daughter a unique name, and a close friend has used the name for their daughter who is 7years younger. At first it annoyed me, however I'm trying to take it as a compliment. I've never been asked them not to use it. I or understand you sisters heartbreak however she might be blessed with a son and never have a daughter, and never use the name. You could therefore forever regret not using a name that you love so much.
    via u/Different-Feature-30
  • 12
    heather20202024 · 6 hr. ago NTA - but it's a hard situation and I'm glad you and sis can speak about it openly. Perhaps there's a possibility for her to use wren as a middle name? Here we call people Jenny-wren for example, but it could be anything. That could be a nice way of honoring your bond too. • Different-Feature-30 OP 6 hr. ago I'm not sure if that's something my sister would like but if she has a daughter someday, it could be an idea she'd like.
    via u/Different-Feature-30
  • 13
    squigs 6 hr. ago NTA She can name her daughter Wren as well. Cousins can have the same name. Less Mine_9723 5 hr. ago We have 4 Johns and 3 Michaels with different middle names. We call them both names- eg. John Paul...
    via u/Different-Feature-30
  • 14
    toffifeeandcoffee 6 hr. ago NTA Naming a real kid goes way before naming a fictional kid. It's sad for your sister that she has these issues, yes, but in the end not your problem. She asked to change your mind, which she seemed to have done nicely, and you declined. Your sister needs professional help to deal with this situation, having no kids, because your kid will be there soon and she may never have kids of her own.
    via u/Different-Feature-30
  • 15
    • RoyallyOakie 6 hr. ago NTA...nobody has exclusive rights to a baby name. It's a ridiculous thing for them to ask.
    via u/Different-Feature-30
  • 16
    C_Majuscula. 6 hr. ago NTA. Even if your sister was currently pregnant, you still wouldn't have an obligation to change the name. I realize she and your BIL are hurting, but they are getting very upset about the name of their hypothetical child matching the name of your actual child.
    via u/Different-Feature-30

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

family drama baby names wedding drama brother sibling rivalry siblings family feud wedding names family weddings
Scroll Down For The Next Article